Fifteen rules to write better English
1. Don't use contractions.
2. Be specific. More or less.
3. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
4. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
5. Remember to never split an infinitive.
6. Always avoid alliteration.
7 . Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
8 . Never use a long word when a diminutive one will suffice.
9. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
10. One should never generalise.
11. start every sentence with a capital letter and end with a full stop
12. Don't never use double negatives (they're a no no).
13. Who needs rhetorical questions?
14. A preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.
15. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague. They're old hat.
Oh well, just for the heck of it, one extra: 15a. Eschew obfuscation, espouse elucidation. (Thank you, Simone)